Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Movie Review: FROZEN

Originally released: 2013
Starring: Kristen Bell, Idina Menzel, Jonathan Groff, Josh Gad
Directed by: Chris Buck and Jennifer Lee
Based on: The Snow Queen by Hans Christian Andersen

Elsa and Anna are princesses in the northern kingdom of Arendelle. Elsa is cursed with the ability to create snow and ice, and one night she snaps, sending Arendelle into a deep freeze. Frightened, she scampers into the wild, only to have her sister, a wandering mountain man named Kristoff, and an adorable snowman chase after her to get her to melt the ice... around our hearts.

frozen movie poster

Here comes Tasha to hate on everyone's favorite movie. WHOMP WHOMP. Okay, I didn't hate it, I just thought it was really awful.

First of all, the script is an absolute mess. This movie has a ten-minute prologue. Normally prologues in movies don't bother me quite as badly as they do in books, but in this case the prologue told us information we could have figured out in three seconds without it! Completely unnecessary. Also, who is the protagonist of this movie? I was hoping it was going to be Elsa, but then it turned out to be Anna. The spunky redhead is the heroine—wow, I've never seen that before.

An even more pressing question is who is the villain of movie. Alfred Hitchcock once said that you can't have a great movie without a great villain, and if you think of the great Disney films that's borne out. Maleficent, Ursula, the Evil Queen and Gaston were all great villains in their way. Frozen not only doesn't have a great villain, THERE IS NO VILLAIN. Rightfully Elsa should be the antagonist, since it's her who's causing the problem the "heroine" (I kind of refuse to call her that) is trying to stop. But the directors spent too much time trying to make Elsa sympathetic. Not that I'm against a villain turning out to be a sympathetic character who's just trying to do the right thing, of course; but in order for me to care about that message, the character in the question has to actually start out as a baddy. In Frozen, we know from the start Elsa's thisclose to actually being the heroine of the movie, so it's impossible to buy into her as an antagonist or feel as if she poses any threat.

I also thought the music was really annoying. It seemed like throw-away music, honestly. Like the songs that were rejected for The Lion King and repurposed with the keywords frozen, cold, and snow. "Fixer Upper" in particular was enough to drive me to drink. Fortunately I had plenty of gin on hand or I wouldn't have lasted half an hour with this movie.

Yes, Olaf and Sven were cute and funny. But you know where else I can find cute, funny animal sidekicks? ANY OTHER ANIMATED MOVIE.

As for the twist at the end... EYE ROLL. Not only do I find the concept kiiiiiiiiiind of really unlikely, but I also thought the way it played out was incredibly lame. It makes no sense in the context of the story. If this was the directors' idea of creating independent female characters I would like to throw myself off a cliff now, thanks.

Basically, I thought Frozen was poorly-written, ill-conceived, and probably one of the worst Disney cartoons I've ever seen in my entire life, second only to The Brave Little Toaster.

Actually, now that I've written this post, I've realized that I lied earlier. I do hate this movie. WHOMP WHOMP AGAIN.

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