Originally Released: 11/18/2011
Starring: Taylor Lautner, Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, also did I mention Taylor Lautner?
Directed by: Bill Condon
Based on: The novel of the same name by Stephenie Meyer
If you go to the theater expecting this movie to be "good," I really don't know what to say to you other than, Have you seen any of the last three movies? Look, there's basically two ways this is going to go: either it's a manflesh fest during which you spend two hours giggling at inappropriate moments, OR it's boring. I'm happy to report I found this movie pretty freaking hilarious. And RPatt and Stewart don't even act as badly as they did in the previous films! WIN.
![movie still](http://lh3.ggpht.com/-2UQuiPSeH3w/TsdezJ77EmI/AAAAAAAAAYY/11EdVGcfPN8/%25255BUNSET%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800)
"Yes, hello, I'm afraid the prognosis is vampire baby."
Let's recap the highlights! Reasons why you should see this movie on as big a screen as you possibly find, maybe even 3-D:
- Taylor Lautner takes his shirt off in the first five seconds. HELLS YES.
- The homoerotic overtones of Edward only 'hunting' men. LOVE IT.
- Virgin hero reference ftw.
- I cried three times. Damn you, weddings! *shakes fist*
- Jacob with stubble! *rowl*
- Charlie threatening Edward with his gun (I would also like to thank the women I went to see this with for sighing as loudly as they could whenever Charlie appeared on screen. Team Charlie!)
- The headboard scene was totally not a metaphor for what I thought it was going to be. Three words: "Ooops." "It's okay."
- The belly rubbing. OH THE BELLY RUBBING.
- This installment of the Twilight ~*Saga*~ brought to you by: Yahoo! And also: Apple, Inc.
- Conversations in wolf MINDSPEAK. Thank god none of them saw a squirrel.
- Drinking blood through a straw, YUM. Totally reached for my Sprite during that one.
- Unnecessary artery and bone marrow shots!
- Unnecessary and frankly obnoxious use of bokeh!
- BIRTH SCENE! Okay, so it wasn't as gory as I was hoping it would be (why no blood spray, Condon? WHY), but it was still pretty gruesome.
- Renesme grows up to be the Anti-Christ and brings about the Apocalypse! Wait, that's the fan fiction I'm writing in my head...
- The Volturi! You can't have a Twilight movie without them! The one on the right is my faaaaavorite.