Review: KILLER IMAGE by Wendy Tyson

I received a copy of this book to review from Netgalley via TLC Booktours.

Allison Campbell is a fashion consultant to the wealthy socialites of Philadelphia, particularly older women who've been divorced. When a teenage client is accused of a ritualistic murrrrrderrrrr, Allison is the only person who believes this Goth girl is innocent. Can Allison give her client a makeover AND find the real killer?

Killer Image was SO not my thing. Based on the cover (which has recently been changed to something awful), I was expecting a light, fun, cozy mystery about fashion and high society. What I got was one of those depressing, hard-boiled mysteries where everyone has Problems. I'm talking needs-to-seek-psychiatric-help, capital-P-problems. EVERYONE, from the main character to the murder victim, to the suspect, to the suspect's parents, to every single person the main character knows. And I knew everyone single person in the main character's life had problems because I was told about it in great detail, even though it had zippo to do with the plot.

This novel also needed to be edited way, way down. It has a prologue that's labeled Chapter One, and it follows the activities of the most random-ass minor characters FOR NO REASON other than to tell me about their Problems. For example, Allison's assistant was a very intriguing character—possibly the most interesting thing in the entire novel—until we got to follow him around, day-in-the-life-of style, as he makes his weekly visit to his ma and the whores (literally, women who abide in a brothel and have sex with men for money) he sleeps with. What does this have to do with story??? Nothing, other than to let me know HE HAS PROBLEMS. Maybe I'd care more about everyone's Problems in Killer Image if I was given a chance to wonder what they were; but not only did I not wonder, I didn't want to know.

Despite über-long info dump descriptions of everyone's psychological and socio-economic Problems, there were no unnecessary clothing descriptions. Which is kind of weird, considering Allison is a fashion consultant and wrote a book about clothes.

As I said, Killer Image was very much not the type I go for. I wound up DNFing it out of frustration and boredom. But if you like hard-boiled detective stories where everyone's a psycho and which take forever to get to the point, you'll probably enjoy it more than I did.




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Book Review: TOBACCO WARS by Paul Seesequasis

In this novella, Pocahontas marries John Rolfe and they sail to England, only he dies on the voyage there, and she remains alive to flit about London in the company of characters like Ben Johnson and Inigo Jones. And they're all really lecherous and gross, and Pocahontas turns into la Malinche; and Ben Johnson meets Mary Read and Anne Bonny, and writes the most incredibly awful play, and is sexed up. And there's also a bear.

So. This is what I think of as a dick waving book. You know in middle school or high school, how there was always a guy[s] who was really insecure about his masculinity, so he worked extra-hard at being crude and sexually objectifying women to make up for it? Yeah. I'm not saying dick waving books are necessarily awful--practically all of Ernest Hemingway's novels are dick wavers, let's face it--it just annoys me, purely as a female person. And Seesequasis is no Ernest Hemingway, not in this novella anyway. At least with Hemingway, you get a sense of the author, of the emotions and life experiences that he knows, first-hand. With Tobacco Wars, I felt like author was hiding behind a front of ridiculousness and crudity, and almost afraid to be honest with the reader.

I can see where Seesequasis was going with this novella (tobacco, Indian woman marrying an English dude, bears peeing rivers--it doesn't take a genius), and it's not as if the whole book is a farce--he does make oblique references to boarding schools and poverty, for example--but what he's trying to say in this book has been said before, in much more effective ways. When I wasn't grimacing at some mind-boggling turns of phrase ("the life-giving fountain of her voluptuous vulva," seriously? Please do not ever alliterate vulva with anything ever again, I beg of you) I was bored because there wasn't really anything to latch onto to carry me through the story. No emotion, believable characters, or even anything of intellectual interest; just really sophomoric sex. Yawnz.

Obviously this book wasn't what I was expecting at all. But if phrases like "voluptuous vulva" and "Do those embedded trading post beads make you come," don't make you want to call for a writer's intervention... well, then it won't bother you as much as it did me. Thank you to TLC Booktours for giving me the opportunity to review it, though!

Book Review: THE GHOST OF GREENWICH VILLAGE by Lorna Graham

Eve has always dreamed of living in New York City, just like her mum, and now she finally is--in a Greenwich Village apartment inhabited by the ghost of beatnik writer Donald Bellows, who wants to dictate his stories to her. Meanwhile, Eve tries to figure out a way to keep her apartment and her incorporeal roommate. If only Donald would agree to write his memoirs instead of the experimental BS he makes Eve write now!

In case you haven't guessed already, this novel is an adaptation of The Ghost and Mrs. Muir--except instead of a roguish sea captain, Eve gets an irascible beatnik. I thought the beginning was charming and very The Devil Wears Prada-ish. Eve gets a job interview at a morning talk show as a writer, only she has no idea what she's doing. I enjoyed learning about the world of TV writing with Eve--that was actually my favorite part of the book.

But as the novel went on, the questions and inconsistencies in my mind started to build, most of them having to do with Eve. She is really an impossible character to like, and if I had to list all the things that drove me crazy about her, this would be a long-ass post. This supposedly 38-year-old woman has zero life skills, one ex-boyfriend she was lukewarm about, doesn't know anything about current events, makes fun of people who speak German, is an irresponsible dog owner, and doesn't have a TV, cell phone, or a computer. Her home telephone still has an answering machine instead of voicemail. I can see someone going without two of those things, but all of them? You'd think a "writer" would at least get a typewriter.

And that brings me to Donald. Truth: the only things I know about beatniks come from Funny Face. Did beatniks work in awesome-looking bookstores, wear black, and do funny dances in front of Fred Astaire? As far as I know, yes. So obviously I'm not the best judge of these things, but Donald's story seemed really bland, like you could pick it up and insert it into any time period in history. This book tries to be about loving history, but it feels like it's faking it--Eve isn't walking in the shoes of young artists in the 1950s, for one thing; she's too much of a square. She calls Donald's experimental writing confusing and denigrates him for it, then does a complete 180 on the opinion scale when someone else says he was good. So lame. For another, I don't feel like I know any more about beatniks or Greenwich Village now than when I started this book.

Since I knew this was an adaptation of The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, I was expecting some relationship... dare I say romance?... to develop. But there wasn't any romance in this novel. Eve goes on several dates with guys who are kind of cringe-worthy and that's about it. But the romance in Mrs. Muir wasn't so much a romance as a metaphor for writing itself and how characters are a part of the writer. I kept looking for some sort of similar extended metaphor in this book, but didn't find one beyond "people create community." Which = duh.

I'm not saying this is a bad book--it's a very quick read, and I did find it for the most part enjoyable. I just wish the author had gone for the jugular with it, made it tighter and smarter. If it wasn't for Annoying Eve, I would have liked it a lot more.

Guess what? The publisher is offering one copy of this book if you're interested! Fill out the form below or click here to enter. Thank you to TLC Booktours for giving me a chance to review this novel!

ATTACHMENTS by Rainbow Rowell

The year is 1999. After spending many years in school, Lincoln has returned to his hometown. He lives with his mom and has an incredibly stupid, boring job preparing a local newspaper for Y2K (pointless, as we all know) and enforcing the office's e-mail policy. The only highlights of his life are his mom's cooking, and reading e-mails between Beth and Jennifer, a movie reviewer and copy editor who enjoy complaining about their lives over their work e-mail. As Lincoln reads Beth and Jennifer's e-mails, he starts to feel like they're his friends, and he starts wishing he'd have the chance to meet Beth because he loves her sooooooo much.

As you can probably tell from the synopsis, this is a very sweet book. It's basically chick-lit, but with a guy as the protagonist (dude lit?). I would describe it as being like The 40-Year-Old Virgin, but with a twenty-nine year old who isn't a virgin (though through no virtue of his own). When the book starts, Lincoln seems pretty pathetic. And by pretty, I actually mean reeeeaaaally. He just got out of school, has a job a monkey could do where he doesn't talk to anyone, and is still hung up on a girlfriend he had in high school. He doesn't seem to have any friends or interests; he's a lump. As the book goes on, Lincoln gradually makes some friends, but goes into a guilt spiral because he's been reading Beth's and Jennifer's e-mails for months without sending them warnings for non-work related content.

This wasn't a terrible book by any means--there were definitely a few funny parts, and I warmed up to Lincoln eventually. But I never warmed up to Beth, who spends nearly the entire book in a dead-end relationship, yet still hoping to marry Mr. Rocknroll, even though she has completely checked out of his lifestyle and seems to be dialing in their relationship. I understand the attraction, but how long it went on confused me, seeing as how Beth is no doormat. I got bored with Beth and Jennifer's e-mail correspondence (why do they never sign up for hotmail accounts?), as well as Lincoln's flashbacks of his ex.

That being said, the ending ALMOST makes up for it all. It is soooo sweet and romantic. But I thought it was undercut by the dragging out of Beth's relationship for no reason that I could see other than the author was afraid Beth would look like a floozy (10 points for channeling grandma words! drink!) if she went from one guy to another. I understand that the purpose of this book is to be light and sweet and fluffy, but I can't help thinking it would have been much more dramatic and interesting if Beth and Lincoln had gotten together earlier in the book.

I feel like there was a huge disconnect for me in regards to this novel. I don't know if it was because the book was too sweet, not romantic enough, or set in 1999 (still scratching my head over that one), but I feel like I didn't get it. Maybe there isn't even anything to get. However, I can see why other people like this novel, and if it sounds interesting to you, you should go for it.

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Shadowfever by Karen Marie Moning

Musical Notes: "You've Got the Love," Florence + the Machine



Review:

Mac is back. But who is she, really? Someone inherently evil, whose every action is destined to push the world closer to destruction? Or the innocent twenty-two year old who was a normal human--aside from her rabid fondness for pink--and whose parents always believed the best of her?


Shadowfever is the final book in the Fever series, and I'm more than pleased to announce it does not disappoint. I can't image Moning managing to pen a better conclusion. After the cliffhanger ending of Dreamfever, there were so many unanswered questions and loose plot threads that I honestly expected to not have all my questions answered--and yet, they were.

Seriously--every. Single. Question.

It starts off right where Dreamfever left off, on the cliff where Mac has just killed a beast. We find out almost immediately who the beast really is, and it's a non-stop ride from there. Despite being nearly 600 pages (and you all know my apathy for long books), the story felt like it was flying by. There are several major shockers, especially toward the end of the book, and things are wrapped up beautifully.



That's not to say everything is wrapped up in a neat little bow, just the major things that bugged me. Other things are left at the reader's own discretion to think about. For example, what was up with the tarot card Mac received? It foretells the end of the journey, where The Fool has made peace with herself and achieved immortality--but I know that because I looked it up, not because it's in the book.

There's also the "Dreamy-Eyed Guy," who's intrigued me since book one, and who has said several times, "Don't talk to it. Never talk to it." Mac assumes he means the dangerous Fae, but does he? I loved the way his story line was brought to the forefront and wrapped up.

And in fact, this is the book where Mac finally makes peace with herself. As she's been growing into her new role in Dublin, she's also been feeling separated from herself, as if there's two sides to her. And, as the quote on the back cover suggests, she's horribly afraid one of those sides is pure evil. If evil believes wrong is good, and there are bits of her inherently evil now, how she will ever know if the path she chooses is right?

As for Barrons, we finally learn what he is... well, kind of. But not specifically. Strangely, though, it doesn't matter so much because we learn who he is. Yes, he and Mac's bickering seemed to drag only to lengthen the sexual tension in the book, but who cares. They're entertaining when they bicker.

I honestly think this is the best book in the entire series and the perfect conclusion to it. It could have been edited down a bit, and Mac was really annoying at the beginning of the novel, but overall it was a compelling, non-stop read. One of those books you have to take a day off of work for, and that you can't stop thinking about after you put it down. When I got to the final page, I was sad to have to leave Mac and Barrons and Dublin behind.

I can't recommend the Fever series enough, or praise Moning enough for being a great writer. And I really want to thank TLC Booktours for sending me this novel to review!

The publisher is offering a book to giveaway! To enter, fill out the form below (if you're viewing this in a reader you may have to go to the actual post).