A draft of a letter found in the recently renamed law offices of English, Sheridan, and Doyle:
Dear Mr. Josh Lanyon,
We here at English, Sheridan, and Doyle have recently become aware of your numerous novels, novellas, and short stories; and the preponderance of characters therein named after ourselves and our associates, such as Devlin, Marlowe, and Crisparkle.
Given our litigious careers, you may be expecting this to be a cease-and-desist notice--and we were seriously considering it--but after reading your books, we have reconsidered. Instead, we have become what the intrawebz refers to as "fanboyz" and would like to offer you representation, pro bono publico. See the following for our reasons:
Because of the above, we are willing to read over all your future manuscripts with an eye towards avoiding legal infractions. Before we begin what is sure to be a fruitful partnership, however, we would like to raise one issue that's bothering us: you have many cop and PI characters, but why so few lawyers? We are very literary and intelligent, and are a vast source of entertaining storylines, as proved by The Practice, Suits, and John Grisham. Think about it.
- Variety Although most well-known for your contemporary mystery series (the Adrien English series in particular, which our own senior partner, Mr. English, particularly enjoys), you write in a wide variety of genres such as fantasy, paranormal, romance, adventure, and even non-fiction. Furthermore, your novels are set in many different locations and time periods: WWII Los Angeles, contemporary Los Angeles, a fantastical city that resembles Los Angeles... all right, so maybe the settings don't have THAT much variety. The point is, there's something in your books for everyone!
- Smart As Mae West once said, "It isn't what I do, but how I do it." All the settings in the world wouldn't matter if your books weren't smart, full of witty dialog and intelligent characters. But they are, and we like this.
- Bibliophilic In almost every story you write, there is a writer or reader who loves books. Nuff said.
- Characterful In addition to being smart, your characters are multifaceted. They seem like real people. People we like! People we want to be friends with! People that we root for and characters that carry us through to the end of the story.
- Entertaining Regardless of whether your stories are comedic or have a more serious tone, they're distractingly entertaining and enjoyable to read.
The partners of English, Sheridan, and Doyle
The Author Fan Letter Blog Crawl is hosted by Kassa at three am and celebrates authors every day in June. To read yesterday's letter, visit Babbling About Books, and More! Tomorrow, make sure to check out I Love Books.