Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Imaginary Cookbook: SASSY GAY FOOD--The Recipes Every Girl Needs from the Sassy Gay Friend Every Girl Needs

After my review of 100 Recipes Every Woman Should Know, I started to think of other cookbooks that could be marketed to women. Naturally, my mind jumped to Sassy Gay Friend, the man who leaps in to save literary and historical characters from their own folly. What would SGF make to wake the intervention-hungry world up?

sassy gay cookbook

MiO Mojito: Because why add kool-aid to water when you can add it to alcohol?

Stupid Bitch Bundt Cake: Real Housewives make bundt cake, and then they rub the other housewives' face in it.

What, what, what are you doing?! Risotto: You need a time out. Stand over the stove for an hour stirring rice and think about your life. Is this what you want?!? No, you want to eat risotto in a restaurant like a reasonable human being. Stop wasting your time!

Look at Your Choices Chicken: Girl, what is wrong with you? Do you not watch Martha Stewart? Put a sauce on that or something, unless you want to be choking on stringy chicken for the rest of your days! Do you want to be the stringy chicken girl??

Pity Party Pita: Boo-hoo! I'd feel sorry for myself too if all I had in the fridge was vodka, cat food, a package of 3-week-old bread, and a container of hummus. Look at your life, look at your choices. I think you're a 30-year-old woman who can't feed herself. For god's sake, take a cooking class and flirt with some chefs.

He Broke My Heart Blueberry Cobbler: Really?!? This is the guy were really planning to marry? He's been in jail 3 times! He should be kissing your feet that someone as good as you would even consider sleeping with him, and what does he do? Make you feel pathetic to give himself an ego boost. You can do better. Wake up!


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